Monday, 3:47 AM
I should probably tell you why I started this journal. To be honest, it’s not something I would normally be doing. I’m just not a journal kind of guy. But if there was ever a time in my life when I should do such a thing, that time is now. If you’re reading this, then you already know everything I’ve done, everything I’ve been going through. I don’t need to tell you all of that again. But what I do need to tell you is why.
Monday, 7:20 PM
When I woke up this morning, it all finally hit me. Everything that didn’t affect me yesterday hit me today at full force. All the terror, all the anger, all the fear, the guilt, the sadness—every single emotion I had been trying to repress came to the surface, stronger than ever before. I can’t imagine it being possible to feel worse than I do right now. This… This is raw suffering. Undiluted, pure. There is nothing to hold it back anymore. I feel no reason to hold it back. Maybe if I just let it run its course it will stop sooner rather than later. It’s not like I have anything left to lose at this point.
Wednesday, 8:32 PM
It’s been a little over a week since the last time I wrote anything in this. In that time, nothing happened. Just about everything went back to the way it was before all of this started. For a while I didn’t even feel safe in my own home, but I managed to get over it. Once I got over the nervousness, the anticipation, the fear, I almost started enjoying life again. Almost. It’ll probably take me far longer to get over this depression. Possibly more time than I have. But I can live with that. I have to live with that. No regrets.
Thursday, 9:10 AM
They’re going to know it was me. As soon as they find out it happened, they’ll know I was responsible. I’ll be the top suspect. They’ll think they know why I did it, and it won’t matter. They’ll come after me no matter what. I need to get away from here before that happens. It’s my only chance.
Saturday, May 12, 2:58 AM
Nobody talks about Eugene Malone anymore. Once upon a time, he was the most feared and revered criminal known in this city. Practically the leader of the local mafia. A person with enough connections to make him legally invulnerable. Possibly one of the most dangerous people in the state. But ever since his disappearance a few weeks ago, Malone has left the public’s eye. He’s being forgotten. I don’t like that.
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